Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
