He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
