oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
