If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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