god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
