If i could tip my vagina, i would.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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