Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
