my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
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my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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