He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
