We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
