I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
