It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
