I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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