So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
