you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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