We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
