he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
