He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize