I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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