We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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