I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
