Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize