I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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