Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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