This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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