I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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