Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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