woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
