wrigley field is MILF paradise
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Randomize
