She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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