OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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