She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
