bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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