we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
