I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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