She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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