I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
