i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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