Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize