After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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