He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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