get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
