forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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