She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wear drunk well.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
