dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
