We named our party play list daddy issues
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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