i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
