Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
