i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
