My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
