im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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