hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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