Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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