Having a random hookup so left but love u
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
