I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
