Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
be right there i have to get my cape
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
