Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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