im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
