I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
