guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am available for nakedness
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
