Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
