the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
