I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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