The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Operation Purity has been aborted
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco